Re: Dear birth Mother

I find myself always going back into the dark recesses of my mind where I leave all my forelorn thoughts and think what I would say to you when I saw you.  I am writing this as if you might somehow actually read this.  You are gone and I have no clarity, no closure, and so many unanswered questions.  I will never know but why can I not find peace in my heart that you are really gone.  I truly believe that  you are still there.  I have so much to tell you, to talk to you, to ask you.  I need to see you.  I need to ask you why I have no memories of my childhood.  Why do I not have a place of safety when I close my eyes and want to go to that moment when I was the happiest as a child.  Why do I feel as if you deprived me of a childhood?  Or am I just misplacing blame? 
When Cynthia speaks to me fondly about her childhood...I can see the deep fondness reflecting on her face.  I see it.  I sense it.  But I cannot relate to it and that leaves me in wanton more and more each day.  I live my childhood through her, imagining that mine would be the same yet I have no images in my mind to relate to them as she does.  These might seem like the whines of a needy child...but why not?  I cant seem to find inner peace.  My mind wanders endlessly looking for an oasis, a shaded place for me to lie in, a cool rock to lay my head on. 
When I see you or meet you because I believe deeply that you are still there somewhere...I want to just look in your eyes in silence.  I want to hear your voice.  I want to feel the touch of your hands/your fingers.  I need you but once again you have abandoned me.
Will I ever know?  My mind is in a quandry.  My heart is restless.

Re: My last words

Dear Pinky,

How happy you make my heart feel.  I am so happy that you chose me to be your older sister.  Thank you for teaching me the right things in life and to do them right.  You have shown me how to be a better person and how to look at the world differently.  You have shown me that life is beautiful if I just gave it a chance.  Of course I was stubborn at times and you took that big sister role and showed your older sister what it would feel like to be a little:)  I love  you for that.  You and Shruti have truly been the ultimate blessings in my life.  I did not know much in my life or what direction I should have been headed in but you have given me that sense of direction.  You are my heart, my soul, my being.  I love you more than you will ever know.  I breathe for you.  I smile for you.  I am happy because of you:)

Letter to my father

Dear Dad,

I love you.  I have not said that enough and I just want to say I love you.  You have taken care of me all your life and I just want to say thank you.  Thank you for being an amazing Dad, a hard worker and a good hearted person.  I am so proud to call you my father.  I am sorry for the hard times I have given you and the hurtful things I have said to you.  As a parent I can only imagine the hurt you must have felt.  Yet you continue to love me and for that I thank you Dad.