02/02/2012

Deary Diary,

What a past few days its been.
Well first and foremost I am trying to stay out of foreclosure...I am trying to keep my home and that in itself has been a never ending battle.  To top it off I have a myriad thougths in my head in regards to the current decisions I am making in my life to offset the situation I am in.  So these thoughts do tend to raise a ton of questions in my head...usually in a wonderous continuem(*sp).  As I sit in class I am filled with a sense of uncompletion.  Again that just means a constant stream of questions in regards to my current choices.
I know I am going off in a tangent but I do respect my privacy where I would much rather sort, organize and store all my thoughts in my head but due to the fear of missing out on a memory this blog has become my pensieve. A wise choice...I think so:)  I am so very proud of Pinky for putting her thoughts in writing to save her sanity. A very brave move on her part I must say...in a way getting stark naked in front of the world.  I am inspired to do the same almost unwillingly of course.  Remember, I dont like to share.
However, after yesterday my thoughts have been jarred by my constant emotional wailing.  Hold on a second please...my mind is wandering and I am going to check a couple of things before I can continue this conversation.
Anyway so back to where we were...err I was.  So, Raul is a dear old man.  And I love being around men that boost my self esteem.  Men are generally programmed to do so to women with whom they havent slept yet...staying true to the old adage that unchartered waters always portray a sense of mystery..well at least at times anyway always from afar.  Anyway...being referenced by him that I bear a striking a resemblance to Gina Lollobrigida...of course at that minute I did not know if I should be flattered or brace myself I just let it soak in and walked away with a forced smile...making a mental note to research said actress when I get home.
I was all content on my drive home considering where I was heading from...not used to attention in my direction what so ever...I might say I dont know what to do...and at times I am purely embarrassed.  So, I look up Gina Lollobrigida with a slight sense of hesitation...well I dont know if anyone else does that but when people say "You look like....", I always brace myself in case I dont like what I hear and of course the never ending question and answer session I will have in my head mainly consisting of one back and forth question and answer session..."Is that how people see me...wow I must look like that".  Kinda like when you go running and you think you look hot and sexy but to the innocent bystander you look like a flagelling idiot in need of an oxygen tank.
But the result was not bad...not bad at all.  Here is Gina Lollobrigida...a sexpot, a temptress, a seductress in the 50s.  I was purely flattered especially because her waist was probably the size of my palm...of course not even remotely close to the where my waist is.  Personally I love that era.  A purely romantic era that I am drawn to...sort of feel like I have a kinship of some sort...long lost loves if you will...I belong there.  However, as sad as their stories sometimes seem I am equally content living that era in the 21st century.  My life.  My choices.  My dreams.  However, when one is portrayed as a sexpot does that usually make it difficult for married women to mantain a friendship with them?  Flip shoe and in my case it would be a unhesitant yes.  Just for that...note to self - buy leash, most preferably the one that dispenses a low voltage of electric current, restoring sensation to every part of the body for my husband...err boyfriend.