2010 LODI Petite Sirah
LODI - a city in north central California
Petite Sirah - a grape variety
I found this beautiful jewel nestled among the bottles on sale at The World Market. Normally $12.99...it was on sale for $6.49. I was definitely game to give it a try.
This beautiful red wine boasts a subtly sweet, gentle flavor, just long enough to make you want to take another sip. A fairly evident spicy aftertaste is very much a welcome surprise. I would like call this one a truffle because it was a hidden gem. Must enjoy again....:)
"....toffee on the nose, big boysenberry fruit,....massive structure wrapped in a velvet glove...."
Derek Benham
Proprietor
Monday, December 10, 2012
Today
Today has just been one of those days. I am having mixed feelings. Ray moves his things in today...I am not really excited but I know I should embrace each new day with the anticipation of things to come on that day. Why do I do that all the time??? There is this newfound fear yet again and that leads to me being guarded. Ray is a good guy but I cannot remain off guard...just cant. I feel like I am going to lose my space....ah there it is my space. It is the one place I look forward to at the end of the day...so now no more walking around how I feel like it:/. Not only that he is bringing 30 of his plants on my deck...wth??? Oh well...tomorrow is my day off and I am so looking forward to it. I am spending Friday night helping him pack and then next morning we are going to his bowling tournament so that should be fun:). I am just getting so tired of his needy nature already...because he whines about every single thing!
Pensive
My dear diary,
I am merely reflecting on the tidbits of thoughts that constantly, I mean constantly race through my mind. It never stops. When I am not thinking about something, which is rare, I am racing wildly with my fingers. A neverending saga. I am thankful. I am thankful that I can live in the present. Sometimes moments like the ones I am about to reflect upon are moments people actually want to live and reflect upon. I feel truly blessed to actually do so. I am thankful for being able to work, go to school, have an amazingly, loving, dysfunctional family...it is all a beautiful part of actually belonging to something, someone, and somewhere. My refuge. My thoughts just go towards Sushma. I hope you are doing okay. I can understand why you are standing on the outskirts of everything you once knew. It is because you don't know where you belong. Even if you were made to feel like you belong, deep down you still would not know. And I dont blame you. I know one day you will come around and when you do, when you let go of everything that has taken control of your life, you will truly be able to encompass everything that can make you truly happy. I love you, I pray for you, I wish you the happiness that you still search for.
I am merely reflecting on the tidbits of thoughts that constantly, I mean constantly race through my mind. It never stops. When I am not thinking about something, which is rare, I am racing wildly with my fingers. A neverending saga. I am thankful. I am thankful that I can live in the present. Sometimes moments like the ones I am about to reflect upon are moments people actually want to live and reflect upon. I feel truly blessed to actually do so. I am thankful for being able to work, go to school, have an amazingly, loving, dysfunctional family...it is all a beautiful part of actually belonging to something, someone, and somewhere. My refuge. My thoughts just go towards Sushma. I hope you are doing okay. I can understand why you are standing on the outskirts of everything you once knew. It is because you don't know where you belong. Even if you were made to feel like you belong, deep down you still would not know. And I dont blame you. I know one day you will come around and when you do, when you let go of everything that has taken control of your life, you will truly be able to encompass everything that can make you truly happy. I love you, I pray for you, I wish you the happiness that you still search for.
Monday, August 27, 2012
So 5 months later....
08/27/2012
This girl that constantly challenges the universe although unconciously, apparently...has a new feeling! Weird enough but yes new. I am smitten! I finally have closure from Stone...geez almost 6 years later...marriages end in periods shorter than those! But I no longer think about him, he no longer consumes me and my thought process, it is such an amazing relief! Thank you dear dear dear amazing God!
And no sooner had I let go and was just feeling free yet lonely but putting on a brave front by telling the Universe that I no longer needed someone...bam!! Yes, this girl opened herself up and got smacked by Cupid:) Long story short...I met him at a friends b'day party through a "coy" introduction by her mate. At first I honestly went in with the intention of just having a good time. Fast forward three weeks later I am smitten. We had our first sexual interlude after two dates and I never heard back from him. Seeing this in text is rather jolting. But it has to be said. Not someone I would typically date as he so casually pointed out to me on our second date...lol. He is a ginger:) I dont think I am in love, yet I yearn for his sweet embrace in bed. His caring gaze as he moves a strand of hair from my face. Him bringing me a glass of water while I am in bed. Yes this guy is what I try so hard to not think about everyday. So, I figured Universe...I need to thank you for smacking me unconscious and putting this amazing man in front of me as I had closed myself off.
Well if anything, it has taught me that "wow" can happen if you just leave yourself open...end of the day I have no regrets for the moments he and I have spent. Still thinking of you:)
A hapless blogger...sigh*
This girl that constantly challenges the universe although unconciously, apparently...has a new feeling! Weird enough but yes new. I am smitten! I finally have closure from Stone...geez almost 6 years later...marriages end in periods shorter than those! But I no longer think about him, he no longer consumes me and my thought process, it is such an amazing relief! Thank you dear dear dear amazing God!
And no sooner had I let go and was just feeling free yet lonely but putting on a brave front by telling the Universe that I no longer needed someone...bam!! Yes, this girl opened herself up and got smacked by Cupid:) Long story short...I met him at a friends b'day party through a "coy" introduction by her mate. At first I honestly went in with the intention of just having a good time. Fast forward three weeks later I am smitten. We had our first sexual interlude after two dates and I never heard back from him. Seeing this in text is rather jolting. But it has to be said. Not someone I would typically date as he so casually pointed out to me on our second date...lol. He is a ginger:) I dont think I am in love, yet I yearn for his sweet embrace in bed. His caring gaze as he moves a strand of hair from my face. Him bringing me a glass of water while I am in bed. Yes this guy is what I try so hard to not think about everyday. So, I figured Universe...I need to thank you for smacking me unconscious and putting this amazing man in front of me as I had closed myself off.
Well if anything, it has taught me that "wow" can happen if you just leave yourself open...end of the day I have no regrets for the moments he and I have spent. Still thinking of you:)
A hapless blogger...sigh*
Sunday, April 8, 2012
Re: Just hum
04/08/2012
My Parents just got back from meditation retreat in new Jersey. Well Dad spent most of it at the Raritan center medical center. At first it was yay the rents are gone...yes sleep in for as long as can. But of course we missed our parents. They arrived yesterday and the reunion could not be happier. But today it was as if nothing had changed and things were back to normal...tense and like walking on eggshells.
It can be so exhausting just watching your parents not getting along at all and what seems or could be normal is just utterly and painfully stressful. I know for a fact it is never going to change. Ever since I was a little girl, I used to wish that hopefully one day they can see their behavior which has been secretly recorded for a long time. It is so exhausting trying to be parent to a parent and doing what are supposed to be doing as parents. I would like to be a child for once. I am 39 years old and have yet to experience my childhood.
My Parents just got back from meditation retreat in new Jersey. Well Dad spent most of it at the Raritan center medical center. At first it was yay the rents are gone...yes sleep in for as long as can. But of course we missed our parents. They arrived yesterday and the reunion could not be happier. But today it was as if nothing had changed and things were back to normal...tense and like walking on eggshells.
It can be so exhausting just watching your parents not getting along at all and what seems or could be normal is just utterly and painfully stressful. I know for a fact it is never going to change. Ever since I was a little girl, I used to wish that hopefully one day they can see their behavior which has been secretly recorded for a long time. It is so exhausting trying to be parent to a parent and doing what are supposed to be doing as parents. I would like to be a child for once. I am 39 years old and have yet to experience my childhood.
Friday, March 16, 2012
Re: Dear birth Mother
I find myself always going back into the dark recesses of my mind where I leave all my forelorn thoughts and think what I would say to you when I saw you. I am writing this as if you might somehow actually read this. You are gone and I have no clarity, no closure, and so many unanswered questions. I will never know but why can I not find peace in my heart that you are really gone. I truly believe that you are still there. I have so much to tell you, to talk to you, to ask you. I need to see you. I need to ask you why I have no memories of my childhood. Why do I not have a place of safety when I close my eyes and want to go to that moment when I was the happiest as a child. Why do I feel as if you deprived me of a childhood? Or am I just misplacing blame?
When Cynthia speaks to me fondly about her childhood...I can see the deep fondness reflecting on her face. I see it. I sense it. But I cannot relate to it and that leaves me in wanton more and more each day. I live my childhood through her, imagining that mine would be the same yet I have no images in my mind to relate to them as she does. These might seem like the whines of a needy child...but why not? I cant seem to find inner peace. My mind wanders endlessly looking for an oasis, a shaded place for me to lie in, a cool rock to lay my head on.
When I see you or meet you because I believe deeply that you are still there somewhere...I want to just look in your eyes in silence. I want to hear your voice. I want to feel the touch of your hands/your fingers. I need you but once again you have abandoned me.
Will I ever know? My mind is in a quandry. My heart is restless.
When Cynthia speaks to me fondly about her childhood...I can see the deep fondness reflecting on her face. I see it. I sense it. But I cannot relate to it and that leaves me in wanton more and more each day. I live my childhood through her, imagining that mine would be the same yet I have no images in my mind to relate to them as she does. These might seem like the whines of a needy child...but why not? I cant seem to find inner peace. My mind wanders endlessly looking for an oasis, a shaded place for me to lie in, a cool rock to lay my head on.
When I see you or meet you because I believe deeply that you are still there somewhere...I want to just look in your eyes in silence. I want to hear your voice. I want to feel the touch of your hands/your fingers. I need you but once again you have abandoned me.
Will I ever know? My mind is in a quandry. My heart is restless.
Friday, March 9, 2012
Re: My last words
Dear Pinky,
How happy you make my heart feel. I am so happy that you chose me to be your older sister. Thank you for teaching me the right things in life and to do them right. You have shown me how to be a better person and how to look at the world differently. You have shown me that life is beautiful if I just gave it a chance. Of course I was stubborn at times and you took that big sister role and showed your older sister what it would feel like to be a little:) I love you for that. You and Shruti have truly been the ultimate blessings in my life. I did not know much in my life or what direction I should have been headed in but you have given me that sense of direction. You are my heart, my soul, my being. I love you more than you will ever know. I breathe for you. I smile for you. I am happy because of you:)
How happy you make my heart feel. I am so happy that you chose me to be your older sister. Thank you for teaching me the right things in life and to do them right. You have shown me how to be a better person and how to look at the world differently. You have shown me that life is beautiful if I just gave it a chance. Of course I was stubborn at times and you took that big sister role and showed your older sister what it would feel like to be a little:) I love you for that. You and Shruti have truly been the ultimate blessings in my life. I did not know much in my life or what direction I should have been headed in but you have given me that sense of direction. You are my heart, my soul, my being. I love you more than you will ever know. I breathe for you. I smile for you. I am happy because of you:)
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