Friday 02/07/2011
So, today is the day. I have a pep in my step and am actually excited to see Stone. Stone has and will always be the love of my life...even if we do not end up together. I am so thrilled that I have reached this new level in my life. So, I go through my day with this sole anticipation. Nervous nervous nervous. We have not seen each other in two years. He has sent me an email early in the morning asking me to email him instead of conversing with him via FB and also he does not have a phone. So, we chat via email and he tells me that he gets off at 5 and will be heading my way as soon as he is done with class at 6:45. I am expecting him to get to my place at 7:30 then. So cool I have plenty of time as I have told him that I would be home at 5:30 after running some errands.
After my work day...I run out to pick up last minute things for the cake and am forced to be innovative because I waited till the last minute. No biggie...I get home in a jiffy and start on things. I clean up first and assemble the cake. After the cake is done I get ready. And just tidy up some and put on a movie and sit at my laptop. I am getting nervous as it is 7:15. Oh boy...I have to use the restroom. As soon as I am re-fixing my hair...I hear a familiar voice at my door. My heart races at a mile a minute. I get to the door and yes! it is him!. It is as if no time has passed. We hug and hug and hug. We come in and hug some more. It is such a good feeling. I have missed him so much. My home looks different and he takes the tour. We talk with the heavy presence of the elephant in the room. So, after we get a little comfortable I ask him if he would like to stay for dinner. Sensing his hesitation I did not press him to stay (another milestone for me) and told him so as well. He decided to stay for dinner. I started prepping for dinner while he sat there and talked to me. We talked about everything...I mean everything. It felt so so nice. It was almost no time had passed between us. Almost as if I had just seen him yesterday. It felt so nice to have him there while I cooked for us. He is so easy to talk to and I can talk to him about anything. I have never had a good friend let alone a guy friend that I can be so comfortable around until recently in my life. I really cherish moments like these. I am still nervous yet so content on the inside. All of a sudden I hear a rap on the door and go to check and voila...its my SISTERS!!! I am confused and happy at the same time. I dont think I knew what I felt...lol:) I was happy though because it definitely cut the tension tenfold. I love watching him with my sisters. I could watch the three of them all day. I love watching him interract with my Mother...it is just such an endearing moment.
The night just flows so well amongst laughter, playful banter and good food. There is so much going on that I can barely stay focused. I love the way my sisters have taken charge of the situation and made a stressful situation less stressful. They have to be home before their curfew so they make plans for all of us to hang out for a day...yes!!!
The quiet settles back in and Stone and I hang out on the balcony and catch up. I dont think we have ever had this moment before... to just sit and talk. He always had to be somewhere before. So, this felt nice. He has grown a bit and is content. I love that. Have not seen him like this at all. He refuses to take the cake without paying me and after a tiff...leaves the money on my counter. I box it up and give him a hug. I give him a tight hug and apologize for hurting his feelings but had to express myself in the letter I wrote him. He said it was water under the bridge and that I did not have to be sorry. He said the only reason he ordered the cake was to see me and could not imagine that he could hurt me and was so sorry. It was quite evident that him and I had grown quite a bit. Although moments had passed from the time he was getting ready to leave, neither one of us moved towards the door. I just couldnt and neither did he. We could just stand there and could have allowed time to pass. I cant really explain it but know exactly how that moment felt...three days later as I write this entry. What is this feeling? I cannot shake it off. It has been four years and he still makes me feel the way I did...like when I saw him for the very first time. He said the same thing...as if no time had passed and it was as if our eyes met just yesterday. I sleep with a big smile on my face tonight. Thank you:)
Monday, February 7, 2011
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Day Twenty six
Wednesday 02/03/2011,
I have blacked out in bed...lol:) I wake up in two hours feeling the initial poundings of a headache...o dear. Debate in my head...continue sleeping or wake up and take two Aleve and drink some water to prevent a day of regret. The signs of copious alcohol consumption are definitely going to surface with a vengeance and I need to nip it in the bud. So, I get up and do just that. I go to bed and and am up at 7:00 thanks to my neighbors but sleep has overtaken the noisy interruption and I go back to bed. I wake up startled at 8:00 and coax myself to sleep in till 08:30. Of course when that happens...I wake up every 5 mins. to check on the time and realising that that is a crazy way to sleep in...I jump out of bed at 8:35. I stretch and clock in to work,starting whatever processes are needed and start completing tasks in robot mode. If I put any thought to how tired I am I will crash. So mindnumbing activities are in order. All the laundry is folded and put away, trash gathered, bed made, dishes arranged, bedroom tidied up and the living room is coming together. Phew!!! I realise I only have ten minutes to make it to work...oh boy...I hurry up and pull a quick shower/brush combo and rush out. Oops did not take out the trash!
The day at work is pretty quiet as the boys are in Miami for a conference.
I want to come home tonight and just cook and stay in. This time I am sticking to my guns....hee hee:) I am so exhausted today...I need to prep for Stone who is coming to pick up the cake tommorrow. I get the cake ready - automatically I am transported to another dimesion when I am in my kitchen. I look out into my living room and am filled with serenity, contentment and peace. Cake is ready. The house is still not upto date as I would like it but it will do. I am not necessarily excited or the opposite...depends on how you look at it. I have not given an extra effort to Stones arrival. I am definitely stoked to see him but am not going to any lengths. I love this new feeling. I chat some with my best friend and call it a night and I am out:)
I have blacked out in bed...lol:) I wake up in two hours feeling the initial poundings of a headache...o dear. Debate in my head...continue sleeping or wake up and take two Aleve and drink some water to prevent a day of regret. The signs of copious alcohol consumption are definitely going to surface with a vengeance and I need to nip it in the bud. So, I get up and do just that. I go to bed and and am up at 7:00 thanks to my neighbors but sleep has overtaken the noisy interruption and I go back to bed. I wake up startled at 8:00 and coax myself to sleep in till 08:30. Of course when that happens...I wake up every 5 mins. to check on the time and realising that that is a crazy way to sleep in...I jump out of bed at 8:35. I stretch and clock in to work,starting whatever processes are needed and start completing tasks in robot mode. If I put any thought to how tired I am I will crash. So mindnumbing activities are in order. All the laundry is folded and put away, trash gathered, bed made, dishes arranged, bedroom tidied up and the living room is coming together. Phew!!! I realise I only have ten minutes to make it to work...oh boy...I hurry up and pull a quick shower/brush combo and rush out. Oops did not take out the trash!
The day at work is pretty quiet as the boys are in Miami for a conference.
I want to come home tonight and just cook and stay in. This time I am sticking to my guns....hee hee:) I am so exhausted today...I need to prep for Stone who is coming to pick up the cake tommorrow. I get the cake ready - automatically I am transported to another dimesion when I am in my kitchen. I look out into my living room and am filled with serenity, contentment and peace. Cake is ready. The house is still not upto date as I would like it but it will do. I am not necessarily excited or the opposite...depends on how you look at it. I have not given an extra effort to Stones arrival. I am definitely stoked to see him but am not going to any lengths. I love this new feeling. I chat some with my best friend and call it a night and I am out:)
Day Twenty five
Tuesday 02/01/2011
I am up at 7:30 to the first sounds of the morning(insert sarcasm). However, instead of going to bed I start on the list of things that I need to get done. I am feeling pretty rested in a long long time. I slept well throughout the night. Thank you neighbor:)
I paint the second coat of cream (blech) on my door to cover the beautiful burnt red that was on there prior to this color. I am rather sad but thats okay...rules are rules. I am excited so far how things are falling into place. I complete another load of laundry and start folding the laundry after making my bed. However, I get sidetracked and move on to something else. A lot of tasks have been accomplished and it is not 10:00 yet, however, I feel as if it is almost noon. By the time I get to work I feel it is time to go home:)
I want to come home tonight and just relax. However, in the deep recesses of mind I have a feeling that it might not be so. This happens to me on a regular basis. But I succumb to it and make the most of the impromptu opportunities not only for the myriad of chances of meeting new people but most definitely want to do as much as I can before the "deadline".
Work is rather fun and jovial...and I am feeling pretty good. I have this gnawing sensation eating me up everday about my weight and I know if it bothers me this much I should do something about it. Why do I need to look for motivation when the amazing boost to my self-esteem should be the only motivation I should need. Anyway, I had a really good eating day on Monday and not so eating day today. But, I want to tell myself that I must not stress about this and accept my body the way it is. I take a co-workers word and try this Cuban sandwich place...am so so disappointed. Note to self...never again. My stomach feels terrible. This is what happens when you eat food that is not good for you...lol:) The cream filled napolean is deeply disappointing as well....blech but I eat it anyway. Hehe...my deep desire to fill my belly.
It is already time to go home and I make plans to meetup with Ray tonight. We decide on some place in Thornton Park. I dress up cute and head out to meet up. We dine at this nice little joint and then he invites me to come with him to meet up with his bowling league. I agree and then the night just goes from one tangent to another. This is always the case when I hang out with Ray. Things are so unpredictable but so much fun!~!!! I have tons of fun laughing it up and after 3 drinks in my system I am full of joyful bantor. Right then plans are made to extend the night of fun after we leave from there at 11:00. We head out to this little private club and it is a whole different world in there. It is almost as if I have entered another dimension. The night is full of fun and laughter and great times. We roll out of there and head to breakfast. I have to keep reminding myself that it is only Tuesday and the promise of a workday beckons early on. I have a blast and I have had a great time and I am all smiles all the way to my bed...make up and all...oh my:)
I am up at 7:30 to the first sounds of the morning(insert sarcasm). However, instead of going to bed I start on the list of things that I need to get done. I am feeling pretty rested in a long long time. I slept well throughout the night. Thank you neighbor:)
I paint the second coat of cream (blech) on my door to cover the beautiful burnt red that was on there prior to this color. I am rather sad but thats okay...rules are rules. I am excited so far how things are falling into place. I complete another load of laundry and start folding the laundry after making my bed. However, I get sidetracked and move on to something else. A lot of tasks have been accomplished and it is not 10:00 yet, however, I feel as if it is almost noon. By the time I get to work I feel it is time to go home:)
I want to come home tonight and just relax. However, in the deep recesses of mind I have a feeling that it might not be so. This happens to me on a regular basis. But I succumb to it and make the most of the impromptu opportunities not only for the myriad of chances of meeting new people but most definitely want to do as much as I can before the "deadline".
Work is rather fun and jovial...and I am feeling pretty good. I have this gnawing sensation eating me up everday about my weight and I know if it bothers me this much I should do something about it. Why do I need to look for motivation when the amazing boost to my self-esteem should be the only motivation I should need. Anyway, I had a really good eating day on Monday and not so eating day today. But, I want to tell myself that I must not stress about this and accept my body the way it is. I take a co-workers word and try this Cuban sandwich place...am so so disappointed. Note to self...never again. My stomach feels terrible. This is what happens when you eat food that is not good for you...lol:) The cream filled napolean is deeply disappointing as well....blech but I eat it anyway. Hehe...my deep desire to fill my belly.
It is already time to go home and I make plans to meetup with Ray tonight. We decide on some place in Thornton Park. I dress up cute and head out to meet up. We dine at this nice little joint and then he invites me to come with him to meet up with his bowling league. I agree and then the night just goes from one tangent to another. This is always the case when I hang out with Ray. Things are so unpredictable but so much fun!~!!! I have tons of fun laughing it up and after 3 drinks in my system I am full of joyful bantor. Right then plans are made to extend the night of fun after we leave from there at 11:00. We head out to this little private club and it is a whole different world in there. It is almost as if I have entered another dimension. The night is full of fun and laughter and great times. We roll out of there and head to breakfast. I have to keep reminding myself that it is only Tuesday and the promise of a workday beckons early on. I have a blast and I have had a great time and I am all smiles all the way to my bed...make up and all...oh my:)
Day Twenty Four
Monday 01/31/2011
First task of the morning is to take care of a phase of operation cleanup. Stone is coming to pick up the cake on Thursday and I want the house to look good...but that is how I am no matter who comes over. So I have taken care of a load of laundry and put fresh sheets. I have cleaned the second bathroom. Am beginning to sort this healthy mess that I have created for myself in my living room. I compile all the trash and sweep the balcony clean and water the plants. Everything looks great...oh ya and made sure to wipe down the outdoor table. Now I can enjoy my cup of coffee. I sit out and enjoy the lovely breeze and once the coffe is consumed I am back to completing the rest of the chores. Work is going to be a busy day...I have already logged in and started the days processes...I am so grateful I can do that:)
I head out to work feeling accomplished. The work day is pretty smooth...however I cant wait to get home. I rush out to my hair dresser for my 4:30 appt. I am really excited....yay. I make it there and she looks at me like I have three heads. She tells me that my appointment was for Thursday...oh dear. However, she proceeds to tell me that if I waited a few minutes she would be able to squeeze me in. Yay!!!!!! I love the bounce after she is done with my hair but I feel it looks so short...:( Well, I am out of there after making sure to look out for her boyfriends resume that I offered to send to my IT guy. Her boyfriend is looking for another job so, knowing me I offer to help and see what I can do. I try but sometimes am not able to do much. So, I do what I can. I follow my heart and listening to its rhythm flows for me and it leaves me feeling gratified:)
Earlier during the day I made a mental note to look up a recipe for the yummy marinated mushroom appetizer I had at Ericas. I find a recipe that suggests the ingredients and seasonings that I think might be in the one I had over the weekend and head out to the store to pick those up after work.
I get the ingredients and once I get home decide not to make the marinade tonight. I just want to relax and make myself a hearty salad. I clean up a little more and sit back and enjoy the rest of the night. I am a little exhausted so I am in bed by 10.
Good night world:)
First task of the morning is to take care of a phase of operation cleanup. Stone is coming to pick up the cake on Thursday and I want the house to look good...but that is how I am no matter who comes over. So I have taken care of a load of laundry and put fresh sheets. I have cleaned the second bathroom. Am beginning to sort this healthy mess that I have created for myself in my living room. I compile all the trash and sweep the balcony clean and water the plants. Everything looks great...oh ya and made sure to wipe down the outdoor table. Now I can enjoy my cup of coffee. I sit out and enjoy the lovely breeze and once the coffe is consumed I am back to completing the rest of the chores. Work is going to be a busy day...I have already logged in and started the days processes...I am so grateful I can do that:)
I head out to work feeling accomplished. The work day is pretty smooth...however I cant wait to get home. I rush out to my hair dresser for my 4:30 appt. I am really excited....yay. I make it there and she looks at me like I have three heads. She tells me that my appointment was for Thursday...oh dear. However, she proceeds to tell me that if I waited a few minutes she would be able to squeeze me in. Yay!!!!!! I love the bounce after she is done with my hair but I feel it looks so short...:( Well, I am out of there after making sure to look out for her boyfriends resume that I offered to send to my IT guy. Her boyfriend is looking for another job so, knowing me I offer to help and see what I can do. I try but sometimes am not able to do much. So, I do what I can. I follow my heart and listening to its rhythm flows for me and it leaves me feeling gratified:)
Earlier during the day I made a mental note to look up a recipe for the yummy marinated mushroom appetizer I had at Ericas. I find a recipe that suggests the ingredients and seasonings that I think might be in the one I had over the weekend and head out to the store to pick those up after work.
I get the ingredients and once I get home decide not to make the marinade tonight. I just want to relax and make myself a hearty salad. I clean up a little more and sit back and enjoy the rest of the night. I am a little exhausted so I am in bed by 10.
Good night world:)
Day Twenty Three
Sunday 01/30/2011
I wake up to loud noises and am actually glad that I am up. I am up at 8. My b/f and I have decided to meet up at the downtown farmers market for breakfast. I have a list of to-dos for this morning but I don't think I am going to be able to get to those and make it to the market on time. What I am going to do is have a cup of coffee and then jump in the shower. I get ready...get my things and head out the door. We meet up at the dwntown farmers market and catch up on the previous days events and get upto date with the details of her date and my party adventures. Although I must say I love love love seeing her so light on her feet and happy. I really hope they get to proceed to date #2 pretty soon. He has so far been worthy of my praise. Good job guy!!!
We peruse through the fares of the market and stroll around looking for a breakfast place. Lo behold we get there and Ray still works there. We share tons of laughs and the three of us are having tons of fun. We enjoy a delicious breakfast amongst pieces of conversations, crazy jokes and more conversation. It is just such an easy and fun time. I love it. I am so lucky to have met this truly amazing friend and the wait till now has been so so so worth it. I have never had a friend I can call my own. It feels great. I dont want to recall growing up experiences but the cruelty kids make you endure does stick with you for a long time. Well lets just say I am dumping my demons and feel light as a butterfly. This journey in my life especially in my 30s has been completely mind blowing. After breakfast Ray wants to meetup sometime this week. I am so happy that Cynthia and Ray click. I make a mental note to check up with Ray on Tuesday about this drs. appt.
We walk around some more and then head to our cars. My b/f is so so happy and I really hope the guy treats her well.
I head out to see my Parents and Sisters and spend the rest of the day with them. My youngest sisters friend is spending the night as her Mother is out of town. The rest of the day is spent doing absolutely nothing. Also my birthday present from my youngest sister has arrived...my very own copy of Kardashian Konfidential!!!!! I am so so so excited. We are huge fans!!! I cant wait to see what tonights episode has in store for us while muching on my sisters famous nachos. The night is coming to a close and I await the first rays of tommorrow morning:)
I wake up to loud noises and am actually glad that I am up. I am up at 8. My b/f and I have decided to meet up at the downtown farmers market for breakfast. I have a list of to-dos for this morning but I don't think I am going to be able to get to those and make it to the market on time. What I am going to do is have a cup of coffee and then jump in the shower. I get ready...get my things and head out the door. We meet up at the dwntown farmers market and catch up on the previous days events and get upto date with the details of her date and my party adventures. Although I must say I love love love seeing her so light on her feet and happy. I really hope they get to proceed to date #2 pretty soon. He has so far been worthy of my praise. Good job guy!!!
We peruse through the fares of the market and stroll around looking for a breakfast place. Lo behold we get there and Ray still works there. We share tons of laughs and the three of us are having tons of fun. We enjoy a delicious breakfast amongst pieces of conversations, crazy jokes and more conversation. It is just such an easy and fun time. I love it. I am so lucky to have met this truly amazing friend and the wait till now has been so so so worth it. I have never had a friend I can call my own. It feels great. I dont want to recall growing up experiences but the cruelty kids make you endure does stick with you for a long time. Well lets just say I am dumping my demons and feel light as a butterfly. This journey in my life especially in my 30s has been completely mind blowing. After breakfast Ray wants to meetup sometime this week. I am so happy that Cynthia and Ray click. I make a mental note to check up with Ray on Tuesday about this drs. appt.
We walk around some more and then head to our cars. My b/f is so so happy and I really hope the guy treats her well.
I head out to see my Parents and Sisters and spend the rest of the day with them. My youngest sisters friend is spending the night as her Mother is out of town. The rest of the day is spent doing absolutely nothing. Also my birthday present from my youngest sister has arrived...my very own copy of Kardashian Konfidential!!!!! I am so so so excited. We are huge fans!!! I cant wait to see what tonights episode has in store for us while muching on my sisters famous nachos. The night is coming to a close and I await the first rays of tommorrow morning:)
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