01/25/2012 What would I say to you if I was gone

My darling Shrutu,

I love you so much.  I never had a chance to love someone/something so much until you and Pinky came along.  I watch you grow everyday into a beautiful lady with a straight head on her shoulders.  I know you are smart, intelligent and effervescent.  But always remember that you have to think with a level head and sometimes put your emotions aside.  Do not let your temper get the best of you.  I used to be like that.  I was a really angry child and I had to go through a lot of twist and turns in life to mellow me out.  Angry is not good babe.  Know that life is all about compromises and how you compromise and come out of the situation tells a lot about you as a person.  Do not let that define you.  Enough about that.
You have a wholesome life ahead of you...make the best of it.  Marry someone who is going to grow with you and allow you to grow into your own person.  I never want you to have regrets and when you do do not dwell on them, learn from them and move on. 
Thank you for teaching me a lot about life.  I was lost with you.  You helped me nourish my soul and my entire being.  Thank you for making me a whole person.  I did not know what it was like to hold someone so small in my arms and one day watch that little beautiful someone blossom into a beautiful model of elegance but because of you I do.  I did not know what love was like until you came along.  I did not know what it was like to fully give of my soul until you came along. 
I love you more than life itself:)

01/24/2012

Dear Diary,

I cannot help it but my thoughts drift back to exactlly this time last year...when the pounding in my heart would get louder and louder in anticipation of what my future would hold for me.  If only somehow my future me right now could have calmed the fears of my then me.  I now possess the regular cares something I had wished for a very long time.  Not to have to worry about anything else but just the present.  Aaaah.
I felt so blessed to have been able to serve yesterday...something close to what Cynthia said: our worries are minimal because there are people who have to worry about a roof over their heads.  It is a humbling experience.
As I read Julias book about her and Paul and their life in France...I cant help but wonder just that I cant help but wonder.

01/22/2012

I have just come home from spending an amazing day with my girls and as the day draws to an end my heart yearns for one more second with them.  I miss them already as the words spill on this page.  I love you guys so very much.  I always want you to know that.  Even though I say it often and every single time I feel like I should say it one more time so that you know and never doubt my undying love for you. Good night and may the sweetness of the night draw you into a beautiful dream before you awake to the morning of sweet hopes and desires. 
I hope you know the extent of my love for  you...the apples of my eyes:)

01/19/2012

Deary Diary,

My fingertips have not visited you the past 24 hours and I yearn for once to caress the keys that materialize my thoughts.  Each day from the 14th of October and then from the 24th of October and then from the 27th of October has been as if I have been born again.  I have been peeling a layer off the old me with great uncertainty.  Why do I feel this way I ask myself.  I can come up with no concrete reason.  I chug along and keep moving forward.  My thoughts drift a little astray and I let them. 
Had a lovely meeting with Alicia on Monday who treated me to a cute little birthday treat at Carrabbas.  We dined on mac and cheese appetizers and a delicious helping of tiny meatballs.  Of course polishing that off with a nice cup of cappuccino and lemon cake topped with lemon curd with a side of fresh cream.  So deliciously lovely and rejuvenating.  We had a lovely conversation and I brought forth my hesitations to Alicia.  I can always rely on her wisdom to bring me solace in these situations.  According to her unchartered waters always bring about uncertainity and hesitation.  I must keep going forward she says as this is what I have always wanted.  So be it:)
My thoughts float to yesterday.  Highlight - I must tell you that it was indeed a lovely day.  My sisters surprised me with dinner and we sat together watching "The Italian Job".  It doesnt get any better than that.  I simply love moments like those. 
Today was indeed momentous...why because in six years for the first time I started to actually work on painting my study.  The borders and the outlets are done...believe me when I say painting a room takes work.  Tomorrow I fill in the middle.  Although I am not too sure of the intensity of the grey I still like the color just cannot figure out what cheerful color to paint the accent wall facing the stencilled wall.  Well, I was supposed to write here when taking a break from studying for my sanitation class.  I supposed break is over.  Off to studying again.
Good night:)

Re: 01/17/2012

Dear Diary,

What an amazing week this is turning out to be so far.  Had the most amazing birthday weekend ever spending the entire weekend with the rents and my sisters and then ending the nights cuddled up to Harry Potter marathons:)  Could not wish for anything better.  Spent the nights at my parents, spent the day with my sisters and woke up this morning to do the same.  Made a pit stop at mi casa as it is being spray washed and painted so had to move the plants out of the splatter zone.  Well off to the shower and school with my sisters. Ciao Bella:)
What an amazing day I had with my sisters and Jahdan.  The night ended with an eventful chat with Valentine and then we head of to my parents where I will be spending the night again:)  I love love love it.

Re: 01/14/2012

'Tis the day before my 39th bday...bday eve if you will.  I am feeling pretty content except for this nagging pesky thought in my head about the tile guys using up 3 of my concrete sheets instead of bringing their own when tiling my master bath.  Aah I need to not dwell on that and not sweat the little things.  And I am going to try to do just that.  A little difficult if that is how you tend to think "all the time".  I am going to really try.  This year so far has been so rewarding already and by letting negativity, stress and resentment take over I am letting it win over me.  I am more powerful than that.  I am a good person who has matured over time learning and appreciating her mistakes and the hard times.  I appreciate my family more.  I definitely appreciate my sisters more.  I love them so very much and am having a better relationship with them more and more everyday.  These are the things I want to cherish every single day.  I am going to appreciate my friends more and look at the world in a little more appreciative way.
I spent so much of my time dwelling on the hows and whys and whats of the past that it takes over my entire thought process causing me to have pressure stress pains.  I want to let go.  So, I am going to try a little everyday. 
Well this morning after moving most of plants out of the patio so that it can get pressure washed and caulked and painted, I made an awesome breakfast of 2 whole wheat pancakes with prunes, granola and walnuts, 2 scrambled eggs and 4 strips of extra lean turkey bacon.  I made chai with cardamom.  Of course I had started the morning off with some kix and milk.
Now I am watching a menagerie of How I met your Mother episodes sipping on Vodka and water(it is now 04:50p.m. on Saturday).  Shruti just texted me to come watch the next Harry Pottery movie(Half blood prince) so I am so looking forward to that.  This is an awesome birthday weekend already:)

Re: New year...new day

So today is 01/13/2012...I have had a very evenful year behind me.  Ray I thank you with all my heart for making my dreams come true.  Thank you:)  I owe a lot of people in my life a lot of my gratitude.  Being truly blessed with amazing people in your life who make this journey worthwhile is more than I could ever wish for.  My Parents, my Pinky and Shruti my bestie Cynthia, Nikki, Alicia, Nicole(neighbor), Sharon(downstairs neighbor in 173), Don(downstairs neighbor in 171)...and so many more people that touch my life.
I am just very thankful. 
I had told myself that I need to write small accounts of my days daily after I watched How I met your Mother. 
So here goes, woke up this morning...looked at the amazing tile job in my master bath.  Went to the DMV in Winter Garden with Ray so that he could get his ID.  Met his friend that drove from Cali so the two of them could drive to Ft.Lauderdale for the weekend. 
Went to the site for the ad on craigslist where someone had cutdown a huge oak so that I could get a decent size to make a butcher block...I get there and the wood is not there and no one is picking up my calls...so that was a total bust but I did see some pretty houses on the way.
Made a quick stop to the bank and came home after picking up some necessities for my big breakfast tomorrow...aah I would like to pick up some fruit.
Am super excited to meet up with Jen for dinner...we are headed to The loving hut. 
Shruti wants me to come by to watch the next Harry Potter movie so if I get done soon enough then that would be next on the list.  Aah what a lovely friday it has been.
Nikki wants to go to Dave and Busters...but no can do 'cause I already have plans...although I do want to hang out with her too...love this girl:)
Well gotta move stuff from my balcony as it is getting spray washed and painted over the weekend...so excited:)
Talk to later dear diary.